A quick RARGH type thing

Have been very tense the last week or so.

Today, had various medical stuff go on, so was feeling a bit delicate, plus the tearful from before this week.

Then Flameboy screamed for 30 mins straight (and I mean screamed) and wet himself in his carseat, then fought me going in the back carrier (refused pushchair, couldn't walk due to nudey bits & no shoes - threw them in a puddle in temper), ended up on my front. THEN Flamechick came out of school and they spent from then on fighting, squabbling and shrieking in temper at each other.

I collected Boy from work and they carried on. He dropped me at the shop at the end of the road, and I got a few mins quiet, but then I got home and Flameboy started being hell again (he came out to the car and then refused to come back in the house so I had to carry him kicking and screaming - him, not me).

THEN I opened a bill that was bigger than expected and it was the final straw I yelled a few obscenities, stormed upstairs, and cried until I fell asleep. DH came to check on me, but just sort of tucked me in and went again.

I slept until bedtime when they started yelling again because they wanted me to tuck them in (would feel loved, but they only wanted me to be contrary).

Generally now on the come down, feeling embarrassed at just how much I lost it, drained, tearful still, and generally a bit of a mess.

Urgh. Life sux tonight.

On the plus side though - there were no scissors in the bedroom. During my rage I was thinking that chopping my hair off in chunks would fix everything...

The tale of Flamechick, the new teacher and the SALT

This is a tale that requires a big

Flamechick's teacher gets it!

Last year the teacher was very understanding, asked what she should do to help, but was more just following instructions. This year I think we have a winner!

Again, denial mother didn't mention anything to begin with, they changed the reading words system and all hell broke loose. So I went in and explained about her AS traits. All nodded and taken on board.

Thursday she had her SALT appointment (finally) for her speech - turns out she has all the right sounds, just goes too fast which is why it is unclear. But the SALT said she would speak to teacher to see if she had any other concerns. (She asked me if I had other concerns - I said yes, a whole list but not your dept ). Teacher said about her taking instructions very literally - I hadn't known that she had noticed that The SALT had noticed it too (some of the assessment pictures got interesting responses due to her pointing in slightly the wrong place and asking the question worded wrongly), so they are going back to the beginning to get her a LANGUAGE assessment

Finally I feel like they have noticed for themselves

Teacher is also in agreement about getting someone who knows something to see her rather than comm paed.

It was so reassuring - I went in for a talk with her yesterday and came out feeling so confident in her

What happens when you let a 2yr old pick clothes, and a 4yr old dress him....

He has knickers on over his nappy... to complete the outfit!

Boy says no hairbands though

Positivity Abounds

Danny Wallace is my new god.

I first discovered Dave Gorman watching BBC2 (I think) late at night, he was travelling round the world trying to find other Dave Gormans, and his mate was helping him. One night I got talking to a friend and he said "Have you read Join Me by Dave Gorman's mate?"

When I said no, he said he had 2 copies, so gave me one.

I loved it! A slightly odd man embarking on a "stupid boy project" to start a cult. No, it isn't a cult, it is a collective.

I finished it and felt good. You can't read it without wanting to go out and be nice to strangers, because that is what joining is all about - being nice.

So... for my birthday Boy got me Yes Man - the next book by the fabulous Mr Wallace.

Again, I was hooked - this time it was about saying Yes more. Well, for him, saying yes to everything. I'm not a fool, I'm not going to do that, but it has made me say Yes more in general.

I finished the second book that Boy bought me today - Random Acts of Kindness. A book full of the random kind things brought about by Join Me. At the back it said to put your name in it and leave it somewhere for someone else to find.

I am a hoarder, the concept of leaving books behind fears me with dread, but with a mix of RAOK and Yes in my head, I filled in my name and email address (so people can tell me where they found it), and left my book behind in the path lab waiting room.

I hope someone does contact me to say they found it. Preferably lots of people - let the book and the kindness travel.

Both Join Me and Yes Man have been books with simple messages - be kind, and say yes more. It isn't hard to do, but it will make the world a hell of a better place to live.

So, go on... go do something kind for a stranger. Suggestions in the RAOK book went from saying hello to an old lady, to putting book vouchers inside books in the shop so that someone will get home and find they got a free book (parenting manuals are recommended!!!). Say Yes more - you might not really feel like going for a drink, but the person asking might need it more than you realise. You might end up doing something that will make good things happen to you. You might just end up very drunk, but that can be good too!

Say Yes to Kindness and make the world better.

Proud Mummy Moment

Flamechick was soooooooooooooooo sweet today.

She was bouncing to Auntie Leethea that she had slept with no pull ups last night and hadn't wet the bed (a big thing for her because although she is often dry, she needs the reassurance of pull ups).

So, AL produced Ben10 stickers to go in her sticker book.

My baby sat there, looked at them, and promptly handed them to my friend saying that her little boy could have them because he likes Ben10 too and would like them :) :) :)

We convinced her to keep the fancy sticker in the end, and she insisted on giving away the rest.

Sooooooooooo proud of her generosity. She loves putting in the stickers so it was a huge gesture.

Got some odd looks from the dude on the till...

With my 3000 apples! Ok, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration.

I have just spent about £15 per head. £5 per day, per person... I'm not sure I have enough pineapple, but we will see.

If we were to get two Indians then it would cost about that and not feed us for 3 days (takeaways I mean... not little men, that would be wrong).

Still more than my normal budget for about a week when I am in saving mode though!!!

Anyway, all fruited up and ready to go in the morning.

About to have a last supper of wine and curry (NOT the pricey takeaway kind, now that WOULD be foolish!)

If I start to crack and feel nibbly, I may turn up on Hatty's doorstep. Not to nibble her of course, just to be handed a glass of water and given a slap and told to get over it.

Flamechick has got into the juicing thing though - we played with the oranges last night. This morning we got back from dropping Boy off and she said "Will you make us apple juice?" Not put off by froth and completely different colour to value apple juice ("Why is it green and not brown mummy?"), they both loved it!

Juice it baby!

So, the fabulous Hatty lent me a juicer

I have a doctor appointment on Friday to find out if my body has summat medically going weirdy with it, or if I am just a freak hypochondriac. But in the meantime, me n Boy are going to do the 3 day detox thingy as laid out in one of the books that accompanied the juicer.

Boy baulked a bit when I mentioned beetroot, but it is 3 days of his life and HE agreed to it. I am having the weirdy weight gain, he is spotty, a good detox sounds the right idea.

So, we start on Thursday (leaves me Weds to have a fabulous coffee with Caitlin, and to buy the 10,000 bits of fruit and veg on the list).

Why do I see this getting pricey??

How have we done with Easter Holiday activities??

For a quick recap there was planned

"The weeks ahead.... Ooooooooh we have planned: baking, mixing, painting, sticking, outings, rolling, hot tub, drinking, shopping, bra fitting, coffee... and possibly a little cbeebies! How many of those do you think I will actually get round to???"

Baking and mixing - flapjacks and rice crispie cakes made so I think that counts

Painting - erm... maybe tomorrow??

Sticking - YES! Flamechick did that at Hatty's yesterday

Outings - Yup, we've been to Hatty's, Gran's, Psycho's, Caitlin's.... I went on my outing to London too

Rolling - Nah

Hot Tub - Yes

Drinking - Most definitely!

Shopping - Yup, went to day

Bra Fitting - Another yay

Coffee - and again Yes!

Only 2 not done... I'm chuffed. PLUS we did a trip to a&e and xrays too...

Forgot - I got tagged by Frizbe

This should be interesting... reading the previous answers as I reply, so I have no idea what these questions are!!


4 Jobs:

Admin assistant - evil solicitors... I made it a whole 2 months before quitting, which I was fairly proud of. I was general dogsbody with no real desk, nowhere to eat lunch and the highlight of my job was drawing the red boxes round planning permission.

Medical Lab Assistant: Sounds much more interesting than it really is "working in the biochemistry department of the hospital" - reality is typing numbers into a machine, and taking the lids off blood samples.

Barmaid: A very very bad barmaid... I spill. A lot. Worked in both Samsons & The Villa. Loved the job, less so some of the staff. RIP Steve :(

IMO person @ Barclays: That job I loved - it was processing international money orders for Barclays Bank :)

4 Favourite Movies:

Stand By Me - River P fan :)

Pirates of the Caribbean - Pretty pirates....

10 Things I Hate About You - Yes, it is shallow and girly, but I love it!

Benny & Joon - "You're out of your tree" "It isn't my tree"

4 Places I've been:

Rome - School holiday thingy

Rhodes - First holiday with Boy :) Oddly enough, met my driving instructor out there.

Cyprus - Honeymoon. Far too hot, early pregnancy, morning sickness... you can tell it was a dream holiday!

Italy - Skiing with school. I discovered something about myself. Skiing scares me. A lot. I am terrified of falling off mountains.

4 Places I've Lived:

Springbourne, Boscombe, Charminster (all Bournemouth), and a terrifying 6 month foray into the unknown world of Oakdale - Poole!

4 Favourite TV Shows: I am going for current faves rather than all time...

Prison Break (You may have worked that out before now...)

Reaper - I have no idea why!

Lost - Again, no idea why... I don't actually care about any of it, I don't care why they are there, why there are polar bears or anything else, but I still want to watch it. I am several weeks behind and it is hell!

Heroes - Tis great!

4 Favourite Radio Shows:

I'm not sure I have 4...

I like Edith Bowman - mainly because I have been sucked in by the James Bond song.

Scott Mills depends on my mood - I first started listening when the woman had his wallet.

Erm... um... I listen to most things tbh


4 Favourite Foods

Lasagne

Poppadums

Popcorn

Strawberries


4 Places I'd Rather Be:

In bed with a good book, and good food with no calories

In the b&b with butties and beer :)

On holiday somewhere hot, will a pool and/or very quiet beach and NOTHING to see so I don't feel guilty about not making the most of the location.

Watching a film with Boy

Hmmm... now off to tag Hatty

Flameboy is henceforth to be known as DEMONCHILD!!!

(a bit) and some more

He slept through the night and needed waking this morning!

Hurrah! Angelic boy you say...

He was alas lulling me into a false sense of security.

He had a bath first thing, snuggled on sofa in a towel... and weed.

Ok, so I maybe should have put a nappy on him and he was all happy and relaxed.

10 mins later I find him weeing on the lounge floor... not a "Oh I didn't realise" (he isn't potty trained) kind of thing... Noooooooo, he is holding his willie, flicking to create a long line effect, and then watching it trickle between his legs.

He spent the rest of the morning raiding food at any given moment.

Then, iggle piggle needed washing... so we did that in the bathroom sink. Foolishly left a cloth soaking in the sink afterwards. I come down for 2 mins - I hear running water. Coming from my kitchen

Turned off all plug sockets and ran upstairs to stop the water pouring out of the sink.

He sobbed

Next couple of hours spent with him emptying things I tidy, swiping the mop, being generally having a demonic glint in his eye.

Shopping was fairly uneventful.

Then we got to Psychomum's!!!

From the time we walked in, if he could do something he shouldn't be, he did. He has now even sussed that the kitchen gate is no obstacle for him.... noooooooooooo... just pull up a chair, leap over, and find a taller chair to climb onto the work surface to find a biscuit I went for a WEE! I wasn't having a bath and ignoring him.

Everything has been done with this little glint, he knows he is being evil, and he likes it.

Gah!



You think it is over, but far from it....



Boy went to the loo, I was cooking, he was playing in the lounge with Flamechick

Heard chinking sounds.

He had pulled down a photo (by dragging things and climbing), smashed the glass, and was scraping at the photo holding a piece of glass

The child has no pain threshold. I have cleaned up cuts. The final one on the end of his thumb took an age to stop bleeding.

He hasn't cried once apart from when I squeezed to stop the bleeding.

How he has survived life this long I have no idea.

Disclaimer: This is not a post asking for advice on discipline...
It is not me seriously thinking that my 2 yr old is possessed/should be better behaved...
It is a lesson to you all - never think a full night of sleep will make your life better.


(apologies for C&P smilies!)

Chaos in Flame World

The silence over the last few weeks has been down to a few things - both general busyness, and the laptop died!

I'm sharing the PC with Boy, and it ain't fun. I am sat in the wrong place in the room, everything looks weird. I want my laptop back :( Customs money should clear soon though, so then I can get a bright new shiny one, and the world will be at peace again.

Flamechick had her paed referral. It was a bit something n nothing tbh. He told me several times that she is not autistic - no sh*t. Never said she was! I said maybe mild Aspergers. He then said that they can't tell about AS until they are at least 6-7 and have a better grasp of language, and that he'll see her again in 6 months to see how she is getting on with change etc. I'm back at the "I dunno" stage. For now, we're getting on just fine. We verbalise what we are feeling, she does the same rather than grunting and squealing, we don't make any sudden changes if we can possibly help it, we try and talk everything through in advance/as it happens so she understands why things are happening. She may work slightly differently to other children, but her teacher understands her, we understand her, and right now, that is all that she needs.

Flameboy is still playing up at night. He has an extra layer on tonight - grasping at straws with "maybe he gets cold".

I spent the last 4 days working at the school - it was hectic, rushing Flameboy round to various different childcare. I ended up with a cold on the morning of day 2. But, even with illness, slightly upset child, and work, I still enjoyed the change from being mummy all day to being a grown up.

Now we're onto Easter holidays. I desperately need to lose some weight before the trip to Rigby and Peller - I have put on more than my levelled out weight (comfort eating has a lot to answer for!!), and want to be back to my "normal" weight before I go. Maybe I should steal Hatt's juicer...

The weeks ahead.... Ooooooooh we have planned: baking, mixing, painting, sticking, outings, rolling, hot tub, drinking, shopping, bra fitting, coffee... and possibly a little cbeebies! How many of those do you think I will actually get round to???

Been gone ages I know, but will update for later...

Facebook Challenge!
1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)
2. Type in your answer to the question in the search box.
3. Use only the first page to look for the appropriate answer.
4. Copy the HTML and paste under the question for the answer.

1. What's your name?




2. Relationship status?

3. Favourite colour?

4. What are you listening to right now?

5. Favourite movie?

6. Where is your dream vacation?


7. What's your favourite dessert?

8. One word to describe yourself...

9. Your eye colour is...

10. The last book you read...

11. Night or day?

12. Oranges or apples?

13. Chocolate or vanilla?

Been AWOL I suppose this should be a mammoth update really...

So, I got a cold on Thursday a couple of weeks ago and felt like hell, so couldn't be bothered to post. We had to clean the house for the landlord inspection, so I powered through that and assumed I would just get over it.

Inspection was on the Monday, so did that, then curled up and planned to get over the cold... but I didn't. It just kept getting worse, I kept feeling more rough and dizzy.

Then the car had (and failed spectacularly) its MOT, so apart from not being well enough to drive to stay with my friends for half term, I then couldn't bloody afford it either, so trip was cancelled.

On Monday went to play with Caitlin - it was fabulous. She thinks I think that because if her amazing house, "grounds" and nanny, but nope - it was because she is lovely as are her gorgeous children.

Tuesday - collapsed in a crumpled heap having done FAR too much on Monday :(

By Wednesday I had worked out that all was not entirely right (the world should not continue to spin 13 days into "just a cold"), so I went to the doctor. Turns out I had had tonsillitis for about a week (with no throat pain??) and it was the raging infection making me feel like hell! The antibiotics are now FINALLY kicking in, and I am just tired rather than weird feeling.

Saturday, we finally took Psychogirl2 for her shopping trip that I promised her for her birthday when I was pregnant with Emrys. Had a lovely if tiring day.

Yesterday - Little dude turned 2!!!!

I decided that rather than having a party for him, I would have an open house so that guests would hopefully be staggered throughout the day (which worked out really well). He had lots of fun, and eventually collapsed into the tentbed at about 7pm.

Tent bed was very well received, he went to sleep lovely.... but at 11.30pm he started this terrified scream - he had woken in a big dark box and was scared. It has however had the desired effect of solving the not wanting to sleep in the bunk bed issue - not by giving him another bed, but by scaring him so much that he was asking to get back in the bunks!!!

B has been happy and lovely all holiday. She is now telling me what she is feeling, and I am telling her ("I feel sad" "I feel cross") - it is working much better, she knows exactly what is going on, and knows when I am starting to get annoyed before it blows up into screaming fits!

The Mom Song

Hmmmm.........I breed odd children

They are in contact with chicken pox. They get ONE spot. I stop them doing x/y/z. Then nothing.

It stops at one spot every single time.

Flameboy is away again - spot is still glaring at me, but less fang-like. No new spots, which surely there would be by now???

I swear Boy has some freak genetic thing that stops him and them from getting pox. Flamechick has been in contact with it sooo many times, and she still never gets it. They are plotting. Waiting until my guard is down and I have something really nice to do just all by myself, and then they'll all sod off and get it and need looking after.

Hurrumph

Plague, Pestilence... oh it is a delight round here

Flameboy is snotty, has been for a few days - temp, and miserable to go with it.

We got to get him dressed for a birthday party and there is a bloody great spot on his hip - head on it, eyes n scary fangs too looking at the size of the thing.

Finish getting him dressed, and spot a bloody nit crawling across his head (or are the eggs nits?)!!!

So, get rid of that, rush out to mum's to look at the spot (wasn't sure about the party). She was unsure too so general consensus with party mum was to leave it.

He fell asleep on the way home, so I guess we find out in a little while if I have a spot covered child.

We've got food in, but with the way Flamechick was born with hollow legs, we should be heading for famine fairly soon.

Bright side - the house is pretty much straight for inspection - just their room to do which involves firing toys in boxes and hoovering. Not sure I'd say it is CLEAN, but it is presentable which is a damn site more than normal!

I want that gene where you are just naturally tidy...

Why do we never keep the house straight?

It is always the cluttered mess from hell. Then every 6 months the landlord comes to inspect to make sure we haven't trashed the place/removed fixtures and fittings (ok, we have taken down the shelves, but it looks ^better^ so I doubt it will notice).

Anyway - they are coming on Monday, so we have spent the last day and a half getting sorted.

We both have colds. I have a period and cramps to go with it. Flameboy also has a cold so have been up through the night with him the last two nights.

As a result, I have now crumpled into a fleurgh.

Hurrah though - big box of my clothes freecycled - was ruthless and parted with stuff that I love but never intend to fit in again, bag of kid's clothes, 2 bin bags of kid's toys all also freecycled, HUGE box of clothes to go to friend (and more to other friends), stock all neat, nappies in box for the loft .

Feeling all cleansed.

And completely exhausted.

Place still isn't bloody finished.

Ooh RL is a scary place!

I got lost out there for a bit!

Been a hectic few days for some reason. First year's figures for BumFluff are in - I broke even (by the time stock is weighed against credit card bill), my aim had been just not to make a loss, so I did that. I have spent the last few days working on how best to go from £0 to £+ in the next 12 months.

We have a landlord inspection on Monday too (joy), so the next few days are being spent getting the house straight. In some ways it is good to have a blitz every 6 months - we throw out a load of crap, get it all shiny and tidy, and every time it stays that bit more organised, and stays tidy for that bit longer.

In 20 years time we might have a house people can come into ;)

Flameboy still not being overly co-operative with sleep, but is being very snuggly during the day. Great new word "Buggle!!!" Buggle means snuggle ;)

Flamechick is alternating between being lovely and yelling in my face - tis a delight.

Boy is still blue :(

Me, got a cold, am NOT pregnant and have all the joyous stomach cramps to prove it, but am generally pootling along happily enough.

Perfect way to sum up parenthood/my life

A thread on MN today saying to say your life in 6 words. TMMJ said it perfectly, and I feel like I want it stuck on my wall so I remember it in times of ARGH

"every day chaos surrounded by love"

I will NOT overspend!

I decided I should do the books (sorry), and whilst working out that we have essentially paid back what we put in to start with from joint funds (kids still need money, but they don't know what money is yet, so I have time to repay it ;)), I have also worked out what we owe everything else.

Eek.

I have to get out of the frame of mind of "We're getting there slowly, so it doesn't matter if I buy x that we don't really need".

It DOES matter.

Having various debts over our heads worries me, stops me enjoying life in general. I know it is a big part of what is getting Boy down too.

So, as of now pretty much, I have to stop.

The odd coffee DOES matter.

Breakfast club because it is easier than mopping up Flameboy and milk is NOT a good reason (Weds mornings still are needed to make the most of nursery).

Coffee on a Tuesday morning/spring and jump are all very nice, but they cost money - Flameboy is just going to have to cope with jumping on the furniture, and socialise at stay and play - I can stretch to 60p a week.

I need to get more organised - lack of organisation is my main reason to overspend - I am tired, things are backed up behind me, so I ignore the food in the cupboard and opt for something easy from Tesco.

I need to ebay some clothes/toys/crap from house. Sell some nappies

I know I will whinge that I want to spend money, but I know that I will feel happier overall if we can start to get on top of this, so friends - please don't encourage me that I want to spend money, it'll just make me :( eventually.

We can do this. If I wasn't bothered about the world knowing exact numbers I would stick some sort of ticker up over there ------> doing a reduction chart. Maybe they do one that just shows percentages or summat?

Anyway, this isn't getting the books finished!

Project Debts starts in the morning.

Maybe a very cheap bottle of wine a week would make it easier - if we have just one small glass a night then the world seems a nicer place ;)

To work, or not to work, that is the question...

I have December and January's books to do.

I have a house that looks like hell.

I have a Boy who is blue, and who I hardly saw yesterday.

Gut is telling me to sod the books and stay home. Sense is telling me to get them done and then I have all of Feb without worrying about the books.

I dunno what to dooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

I can't compromise and just do them for a couple of hours, it is all or nothing or I lose my focus.

I need to do them don't I?



I'll go get dressed....

She has no off switch!!

Yesterday we spent most of the day with Gran so that Boy could get the lounge straight/watch 6 nations.

Flamechick did not shut up. Not once. For the entire afternoon/evening.

Everything we said was questioned, there was a running commentary on it all. She was happy, well behaved, but just Wouldn't Stop Talking!

We went for a drive, I was exhausted, Flameboy hadn't slept at all, she was tired too so we thought that a drive might send them to sleep. He fell asleep in 2 seconds. She on the other hand... "MummymummymummymummyGrangrangrangrangran" (that was if we were talking and didn't respond instantly). After being told that it was rude "scoosemescoosemescoosemescooseme...."

ARGH!

We were driving for ages. She never stopped talking, she never fell asleep.

Ended the day exhausted and just wanting SILENCE.

Plus side is, they both slept all night.

The Wonderful World of Flamechick

We go through phases - sometimes she is very much "different", other times she is a happy lovely little girl and I am convinced I am paranoid and insane.

This week has been a me being insane week.

It started this time last week. She came home from school all happy (not firing her lunchbox at me and glaring about not being allowed to go to Gran's). She lay in my lap for 45mins whilst I debugged her.

She has had the odd strop this week, but nothing out of the ordinary. She hasn't even complained about having cheese sandwiches instead of pink butter (pate)!

This morning - she decided she was being a dog and Flameboy was her owner, then on the way to school she was the baddy and he was the policeman. She has very rarely done imaginative play of her own accord - it is normally another child/me/Gran giving the directions.

After school we went to Psycho's house. She normally clams up, refuses to talk to her, look her in the eye, clings to my leg, mumbles. Tonight she was the child she was as a toddler - she was happy, she spoke, she was fine about going home, she even gave a kiss and hug - I can't remember the last time she did that!

My happy little girl that I remember was back.

Then the clock struck 7pm and she turned into a pumpkin (or raging arguing tantrum machine). I don't remember what set it off, but whatever it was, she was gone. I didn't keep my temper

I took her dinner away because she refused to say sorry/acknoledge us at all instead of whimpery groaning. She then fought against getting undressed, washing, drying, putting her pjs on. I quit somewhere between washing and drying, and the much more patient Boy took over.

She went to bed without me kissing or saying good night.

Why can't I stay calm and handle it??? Why do I resort to her level, take it to heart and sob into my wine??

Why do I let myself believe that it was all my imagination?

Just "why?" really.

Gooooooooooood TV

I am now on the second season of Prison Break.

Gooooooooooooooood tv! Nice bit of suspense, intelligence, oh and sweaty convicts on the run



What's not to enjoy?

A sleep solution?

When pondering gifts for little dude's birthday, Psycho came up with this:



It's a tent with a bed inside it!

It would give him that closed in-ness of a cot that he misses, but he can't hurt himself escaping from it! Got to be worth a shot.

I see whinging from Flamechick though....

First night without pull ups not a success :( She had been so excited about it too, but wants to be back in pull ups tonight. Apparently she is going to alternate.

MNers out there...

Please tell me it isn't only me who does this...

I had to edit a whole post on here last night because I had done ^this^ when I wanted italics!!! I keep trying to do [[ ]] for links too.

Someone stole night time!

I swear it.

I went to bed, I closed my eyes, then the alarm went off.

I was really disoriented, convinced that I had set it wrong and it was only 2 mins after I got into bed.

Have woken up feeling tired before, but never experienced waking and being convinced I hadn't actually fallen asleep yet.

Now very disoriented, trying desperately to wake up/feel like I have slept so I can get lunchbox sorted, hair done etc.

Sux.

I HATE hormones! RARGH!

Ok, so Boy probably hates them more, but he doesn't get to count because they are my hormones and therefore everything is about me. Me, me, me!

I want to kill. Everything is having a nails on blackboard sensation.

People keep breathing at me funny, let alone the way they are looking.

I hate money. I want salt laden poppadums and curry but we have no bloody money for it because it is January and money is always hell in January. Oh, and February because you are still recovering from January and have 3 birthdays all on the same day, 2 the two days after, one of those you owe 2 years worth of presents so it will cost even more, and one is your son!

Until I do all the adding up I can't even risk buying cheap aldi wine because I need to work out the budget for the month.

Boy isn't helping me (most likely for fear of being yelled at for doing it wrong).

I have turned into a fire breathing beast. It is mainly pmt, and a small part disappointment - having had to ponder for the last 2 weeks about whether my stomach pains are baby related, it gave me time to get used to the idea of having one. I know having one would be stupid for sooo many reasons, but my baby is suddenly not a baby anymore and dammit I'm broody.

So, here I sit, playing cards

"I see spiders mummy"

"Hmmm?"

"What are those spiders for mummy?"

"They are stopping me killing people."

"Oh..."



I want to be a MAN. They go bald and get a bit impotent. I can handle that.

How do we solve a problem like not sleeping?

Another fun night from Flameboy.

He seems to be happy enough to sleep in his bed during the day, and during the night with the bottle, but not without one at night - it is then that he wants company.

So - rather than the various camps on the floor theory, or making the bed more enclosed, I'm now pondering whether or not we should just lose the bottles.

The timing is the problem though - now is not wise, I am pmt ravaged woman and will soon to be mopey "I wanna be a man" woman. Half term is going to be hectic what with going away, so again not wise. First week back after half term will be exhausting enough for Flamechick without sobbing boy in her room.... but then I can probably find a reason not to do it any time!!! Flamechick still gets upset about not having bottles NOW, and she stopped them over 12 months ago.

I will think on it some more.

In the meantime, Flamechick has had 5 dry nights out of 6 and wants to stop wearing pull ups. Last time that lead to her being very very tired, but we were lifting her. Seeing as she has been dry without lifting, it should be better. I've promised her she can try from Friday night.

For today's experiment Flameboy will try....

So, yesterday was how far up one's nostril will the average raisin go?

Today when we went to see Hatt, he decided to try something a little different....

I present:

Will my arse fit through a cat flap?

Apparently not!

Being the kind, caring parents we are, we did not leave him there to cry whilst we ran to find a camera... it was in our hands to begin with... oh yes, it was.... honest.

"Yeh. Stuck!"

It is always wise to be slightly concerned when a small boy comes in with half his finger up his nose saying "Stuck". Especially if raisins had been being eaten just prior.

He doesn't tend to stick his finger that far up as a rule.

So....

"Your finger's stuck?"

"Noooooooooo"

"A raisin is stuck?"

"Yeh. Stuck!"

So. What do you do in that situation? Not having done it before, I did what I always do with a new child problem - post on MN and call Psycho.

Psycho had me laying him back and shining a torch up his nose. The only one I had projects a spider onto the wall, but it gave off enough light for me to see that it was well and truly stuck out of my reach. She said A&E. MN said get him to blow his nose/sneeze* - wasn't happening, grab it with tweezers - I'm lethal enough with chopsticks let alone my pointy tweezers up a wriggling boy's nose, get to A&E.

Soooooooo - off we went. Called Gran to explain and ask her to collect Flamechick. Called Boy to tell him to meet us there from work.

A&E staff kept pretty much a straight face as they hoiked said raisin back out with tweezers. Flameboy glared at them when they threw away his raisin (waste of good food clearly). Once it was out he proudly pointed to his nose and said "Gone!"

Car journey home:

"Mummy..... Gone!"

"Yes. Did it hurt having a raisin up there?"

"Yeh"

"Are you going to do it again?"

"Yeh!"

Oh dear......




*further advice arrived after I left telling me to hold the good nostril, blow in his mouth and he should exhale from his nose. I will bear that in mind next time it happens... there will be a next time...

Woohoo! She's PREGNANT!

Noooooooooo, don't panic - I am not "she"

She is a very good friend of mine who has been trying for nearly two years now (her daughter is the same ages a Flameboy) - after trying for aaaaaaaaaaages for her first, this much wanted second pregnancy is now here!

Congratulations! I'm so pleased for you, even if it does mean that half term will involve me drinking your share of wine, and The Big Piss Up #2 will be very sober too ;)

Now... just adding up... 1st week of October I think!

Is it procrastinating when you just aren't doing ANYTHING?

I can't be arsed.

I have orders to package up. Dinner to cook. My house looks like hell. I have finances to sort/cry over. I can't even be arsed to MN Not even browse the nappy threads in the name of "networking".

I just want to curl up with a bag of wotsits in front of the tv for an hour whilst Flameboy sleeps.

Not that he is sleeping. He rubbed his eyes lots, conned a bottle out of me, and now appears to be alternating between moving furniture round his room, and standing at the gate saying "Eyo!"

I want my rargh back. I think back to when I was doing FLYlady many moons ago - my house was straight enough for me to be thinking "NOW try turning up on my doorstep for coffee and see if I panic! Huzzah!". I couldn't sit still - I would keep leaping up to shine a sink or put away washing or something.

That feeling has well and truly flown though (I never did work out what FLY stood for...). Now I sit surrounded by dead cheerios, washing waiting to be dried and/or put away, a work surface covered in crumbs, a sink I have relinquished to Boy who is doing more housework than me right now so is currently keeping to his side of the bargain (dishes, bins, hoovering... he can't hoover because that would involve me tidying for him to find the carpet).

I want to lose Flameboy for a few days, put the ipod on LOUD, and clean to my heart's content. Oh, someone will have to take away the ntl box for me at the same time as taking Flameboy (that would stop tv watching AND internet).

Why do other women manage to be clean and tidy and have a routine?

All is quiet upstairs... I think that is more a sign that he is stripping the beds than sleeping, but if I stay quiet long enough he should remember he is tired and sleep.

Maybe just 30 mins to myself... then I will find motivation.

Bedtimes used to be easy

I remember taking Flamechick up to bed, sitting and reading a story to her/with her, giving her a kiss and then her either sleeping or playing happily for a while until she put herself to bed.

Then Flameboy came along, things were harder what with the yelling from the cot, but still, it happened.

Now.... Rarely does the book reading happen because he clambers all over us and closes the book. Instead of the playing happily or going to sleep we now have fighting with each other or yelling about toilet/drink/cold (all of these are always fixed before bed so they are just stalling tactics.

Staggered bedtimes tend not to work because he wakes as soon as I try to put her to bed and then we are left with him sobbing/"bo'le"/climbing on her bed.

I miss my time with my baby. She misses out on so much now because either Flameboy causes havoc and stops the activity, or because she is that much harder that I find it easier to do things with him. :(

I really need to make a more concerted effort, but for tonight it is just going to have to be "Flameboy's in my bed Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!"

Sleep is for the weak

I'm sure I love my son. Right now though it is Very Very Hard.

He has decided that he can only sleep with a bottle in his mouth, or Boy or myself laying next to him until he falls asleep.

He was lovely - he would go to his cot, drink his bottle, sleep nicely.

Then escape artist Flameboy was born, he was hurting himself leaping to freedom, so the bunkbeds came.

But the problem is, he has always liked sleeping in squished little spaces. When Flamechick was born we had the moses basket, but she wanted space, so went into the proper cot after a couple of weeks. So, for Flameboy I decided we would just use the bassinet bit of the travel cot until he was ready to move into his own room. He hated it. He slept best wedged inside a v-shaped pillow inside the carry cot from the pram. He was in his crib until he was sitting up and leaning out of it, and even then he wasn't impressed with the size of the cot.

The bed is HUGE. Curled up he still fits completely onto a pillow. He hates it, he tries to sleep with Flamechick, he cries at the gate for us, 9 times out of 10 he sleeps on the floor by the gate. Last night, after 18oz of milk in total, the fridge was empty. I refused to sleep in with him. So he screamed, and screamed, and screamed for most of the night (he would sleep in stages, but then wake up and remember he should be screaming).

Today, we're both exhausted. He has just gone to bed now, started the screaming again. He was so red and distressed he was going to make himself ill, so I gave in and cuddled him to sleep.

I don't know how to fix this. Pondering a tent in the bedroom so he gets the closed in feeling. I don't think he can escape the travel cot yet, but I think it would only be a couple of nights.

My lovely little boy is very very broken and I am at a loss as to how to fix it.

Do we ever see ourselves as we really are?

So many tv programmes with supersize/superskinny. BMI bans on models. Anorexia/bulimia admissions increased. These are just the extreme cases... what about the "normal" woman?

For myself, I have lost weight - but I cannot see it. I see myself as the size I was, not what I am now. I look at clothes in shops and assume they will look hideous because I am picturing them on my old body. I put on a couple of pounds so my jeans become snug, and I feel house sized - it doesn't seem to matter that a pair of snug size 10s is different to a pair of snug large 14s!

Then you have my friend who is stunning, but she sees herself as hugely overweight because she used to be a stick. She won't be happy until she is stick sized again, and even when she is stick sized, she still won't be happy because that won't be what she sees in the mirror.

Is everyone like it? Nearly all of the women I know are... I don't know about the men. Maybe it is something that you need less testosterone to feel?

It has nothing to do with celeb magazines, the news, meeja images or anything. I don't look in the mirror and think "ooooooooooh Kate Moss is much thinner than me", I just look and think "I don't like that".

Gok should do some non-televised thing where he makes those of us who don't want to be shown on tv (or who have Boy's who would be mortified at us going on tv!!) feel like he makes those other women feel.

But even then... does the Gok effect last?

What are you reading?

I ask this assuming someone at some point will read my blog :D

I'm on The End of Mr Y at the moment - bought purely because the pages had black edges! It is odd but good - I think probably Hatt would like it, Psycho wasn't convinced what with a comment on the back being "A ripping good yarn".

Tell me what you are reading, what kind of book it is, and if you like it (if you know me, if I would like it!!!)

I clearly don't have enough unread books on my shelves...

Parties and Boxes and Baths - oh my!

A fun day round here... hmmm....

I still have the weirdy stomach thing going on, which has now mutated into backache too. Boy says he isn't feeling well either.

The Big TV Box is still going strong - so far it has been a house, a slide, a nursery, and I think a pirate ship. Why do we bother buying toys? I think I might just get Flameboy a whole load of big boxes for his birthday.

Flamechick has been fairly calm, one tantrum over something random, but she took the punishment with minimal screaming - mainly because she had a party to go to and was scared we'd say no! The bugs in her hair are multiplying by the minute - I must have missed one pregnant git last night - the top of her hair was completely clear of eggs last night, I go to do her hair for the party and there are eggs galore! There is no way I can have missed that many eggs. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyway, back from party, all rargh (as expected), won't tell us what she had to eat or drink (parties are no rules, so she can eat anything going bar hot dog sausages) - so we are being prepared with sick bowl and clear path from bed to toilet tonight! I think we'll dose her up on calpol tomorrow too so we can head off the tummy ache before it starts.

Flameboy has been his happy little self. Heard running water, so leaped up the stairs (not a good move with hurty stomach!!), found him stood in the bath, running both taps and trying to clean his teeth with my toothbrush!!! Luckily he hadn't been there long, or he would have had scalded feet. From now on bathroom door must be tied shut. Girls just don't do that! (Note to self - paying attention to children rather than MN may result in fewer incidents like that)

Both are now playing happily in the bath. Peace. Is it wrong to give them 5hr long baths every day?

Me? I've done some work (not enough - never going to have a successful business like this), had coffee, and am just desperately waiting for bedtime so I can curl up on the sofa under a duvet.

What happened to the mum I planned to be? The one who wanted to spend time with her children, who was going to do fun and exciting things with them? Maybe she'll appear tomorrow....

The rest of the world has a blog...

I may as well have one too!

If nothing else it will be handy to chart my bouncing between Flamechick being broken because of me, and it being AS.

Probably an introduction is called for.

We have me - mum of 2, wife of one (they frown upon more than that), owner of an online business that I currently love and hate in equal parts.

Boy - aforementioned husband. Long suffering with my mood swings, and never being able to do anything right by me.

Flamechick - Reception aged little lady (ok, lady may be a stretch... she is more of a tom boy). Very loving little whirlwind. May or may not be AS, but at the end of the day - does it matter?

Flameboy - Nearly 2, very cute and calm - currently loves dolls and turning things into guns. It is only now sinking in how much that is a nature rather than nurture thing!

Well... That's us. I probably won't remember to post in this thing for more than a week, but tis a nice idea.